When Harry met Sally, they did not match on Hinge. Jim did not slide into Pam’s DMs. But, it’s not the plot of a romance script that is the ideal- just the foundation of basic communication that is missing from daily life. If Gen Z so desperately craves a personal connection, why is it so hard to obtain? 

Have you ever viewed a piece of media and been absolutely entranced at the dynamic of the couple? Often, I find myself questioning “Why don’t I have that?” Not necessarily the idea of a partner or significant other, but the idea that two people have a mutual attachment in the first place. Relationships, (whether romantic or not) should start with the idea that two people exchange verbal or non-verbal cues of common interest. So how does a phone- a device meant to improve communication, get in the way of such a simple connection?

These meet-cutes seem so unapproachable or “old-fashioned,” because the reality is a novel about adding each other on Snapchat or a film where the leading protagonist commented; “this is fire” does not sound appealing. This begs the question, would this have even been a problem pre-internet? It’s time to think about if there even is a future for how relationships will look outside the phone.  

Genuine conversation is the first step to something eventually leading to love. It’s unrealistic to expect a reality of only charming scenes with witty banter after two people meet for the first time, but every person is entitled to the opportunity to communicate. Finding a romantic partner, or let alone a friend in any common relationship, shouldn’t be a fantasy. The problem does not lie in the connection itself, but how this generation goes about it. Teenage romance seemed like a natural expectation of adolescence. This is partially because popular media tends to highlight characters that are romantically dramatasized. But also, it is only natural to have this expectation for Gen Z since studies show that previous generations had a higher percentage of being a part of a committed relationship. The Survey Center on American Life, found that only 56 percent of Gen Z adults said they were involved in a romantic relationship during their teenage years. However, that is in contrast to previous generations, when there was a time where teenage dating was much more common. The majority of Baby Boomers (78 percent) and Generation Xers (76 percent) recall being in a relationship as teenagers. 

A likely theory is that this is the result of the pandemic. Lockdown caused a shift that normalized the notion that no one wants to be bothered and so a reliance on technology for connections was formed, rather than using interpersonal conversations for entertainment. The National Institute of Health found that 89 percent of girls reported engaging in fewer face-to-face interactions with peers and more online engagement. Social media and dating apps force a perspective where once attractiveness is displayed, the lucky ones might receive a cheesy pickup line. Only 10 percent of people have successfully found their long term partners online, according to Pew Research Center. This is not to say that the people who are still trying these dating apps are condemnable or should feel shameful, but now we’ve reached a point where depending on them has become the default option. This feeling of disappointment and embarrassment lies with knowing what isn’t a drought of potential suitors, but our own social anxiety getting in the way of forming these bonds. Humanity thrives on communication and language, so if Gen Z can’t grasp this simple task, they are  missing out on a world of opportunities. 

With this knowledge, I encourage everyone to find a way to make a stranger smile. Take a look in your local bookstore or walk at the park. Maybe right now,  that perfect someone is waiting for you to compliment their shirt in the elevator downstairs. Whether platonic or romantic, every relationship starts with an actual conversation. We owe it to ourselves, since after all, love is vitality.